Granger and Haigh Punish Villa as Chelsea Make It 100 League Goals
5 March 2052 – Chelsea flexed their muscle at Villa Park once more, breezing past Aston Villa 3–1 to clock their 100th Premier League goal of the season. A brace…
Champions League Round of 16 – Chelsea Dominate as Quarter-Finalists Confirmed
20 March 2052 – Chelsea finished the job at Drogba Arena with another commanding performance, defeating Napoli 2–0 on the night and 5–0 on aggregate to book their quarter-final place…
Liverpool Bounce Back Against Leeds But Chelsea Defeat Still Lingers
2052, Anfield – A week is a long time in football, and nowhere was that clearer than Liverpool’s rebound from humiliation at Drogba Arena to a battling 4-2 win over…
Chelsea Humiliate Liverpool in 3-0 Rout at Drogba Arena
2052, Drogba Arena, London – Chelsea battered Liverpool 3-0, and the scoreboard barely captured the gulf. Calin Dimario’s lot toyed with Klopp’s heirs, tiki-taka strangling the Scouse wing-play like a…
La Liga 2052: Atlético Madrid Surges Ahead, Real Madrid in Trouble
February 10, 2052 – Tremendous, unbelievable things happening in La Liga. The Spanish league, second best in the world (only behind England, believe me), is on fire. For decades Real…
Alien Jim Reports: Chelsea’s Five-Goal Human Ritual Over Southampton
Chelsea 5–0 Southampton, 12 January 2052 On Glubblubb IV we never saw such rituals: thousands of hairless bipeds filing into a cavern called Drogba Arena, emitting roars at colored cloths…
Liverpool Humble Man City in Ruthless Anfield Display
Liverpool 3–0 Man City At Anfield, Liverpool tore Manchester City apart with a performance that was equal parts ruthless and inevitable. Dougie Agnew (25’), Felix Hammond (33’) and Federico Vallejos…
Chelsea Extend Unbeaten Run with Win at QPR
I’m sick of it. You’re sick of it. Everyone outside Stamford Bridge is sick of it. Chelsea go marching on, another 2–0 win at QPR, another tick in the unbeaten…
Chelsea Reduce OM to Mathematical Dust in 6–0 Rout
28 January 2052 – London witnessed a study in imbalance at the Drogba Arena, where Chelsea reduced Olympique de Marseille to fragments in a 6–0 demolition that was more proof…
Premier League Roundup: Kelly’s Hat-Trick Defines Matchday 25
30 January 2052 – A strange symmetry unfolded across England this evening, where three matches provided three distinct lessons in inevitability. Manchester City 4–1 Queens Park Rangers Mathematics does not…