17 January 2052 – Anfield saw blood spilled at the weekend, Liverpool hammering Sheffield United 4-0 in the FA Cup third round. The Kop lapped it up, but don’t let the scoreline fool you – this side still makes you want to tear your hair out with inconsistency.
Mauro Tallarico opened the party, Makis Soteriou buried a pen, and Jorge Vermiglio plus Jordyn Cockerline added the gloss. Routine, easy, the kind of stroll where you can scoff a steak pie before half-time and still not miss anything. But while the Reds swan about in the cup, in the league they sit fifth, looking up at Chelsea, United, City and Arsenal. It’s like watching millionaires piss away talent while serving fans overpriced lager that tastes like wet cardboard.
| Pos | Team | Pl | W | D | L | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Chelsea | 21 | 19 | 2 | 0 | 65 | 59 |
| 2 | Man Utd | 23 | 14 | 7 | 2 | 29 | 49 |
| 3 | Man City | 22 | 15 | 4 | 3 | 26 | 49 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 22 | 14 | 2 | 6 | 23 | 44 |
| 5 | Liverpool | 22 | 12 | 6 | 4 | 28 | 42 |
| 6 | Aston Villa | 23 | 12 | 5 | 6 | 12 | 41 |
| 7 | Newcastle | 23 | 10 | 4 | 9 | 1 | 34 |
| 8 | Fulham | 19 | 10 | 3 | 6 | 10 | 33 |
| 9 | Southampton | 22 | 9 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 33 |
| 10 | Plymouth | 23 | 8 | 5 | 10 | -11 | 29 |
Look closer and the cracks appear. Two losses to City and Arsenal, a limp draw at Southampton, and don’t even start on that surrender at Reading. You batter Spurs and Huddersfield one week, then look like a Sunday league side the next. It’s enough to drive a man to drink – though not the muck they serve at Anfield kiosks, I wouldn’t wash my boots in it.
And yet, there’s hope. Grga Cavara looks like a lad possessed, Furkan Cicek’s graft is relentless, and Federico Vallejos has ice in his veins from the spot. They’ve smashed Fulham, Leeds and Palace without breaking sweat. The squad’s got steel, but Nikola Vlasic’s mob need to prove they’ve got the bollocks to string it together in a title chase. Otherwise it’s Europa League Thursday nights and kebab-shop scran on the road back from Slovenia.
The table doesn’t lie – Chelsea are flying, Liverpool are trailing, and excuses are running out. The Blades result was fun, aye, but unless they bring that fire every week, it’s just another false dawn served up with a side of stale pies.
– Digby