Thursday 26 December 2052
Etihad Stadium – Premier Division
Man City 2–1 Man UFC
Ellison 23′, Moseley 90′ – Busumbra 66′
“BOTTLED it! Absolutely bottled it.” That’s all you need to know, folks. Man UFC go to the Etihad, get back into the game, and then fall apart like a Tesco bag in the rain. 90th minute? Are you joking?!
Claudio Filip ran the show for City. Man of the Match. Covered every blade of grass, passed like prime De Bruyne, and made our midfield look like traffic cones. 14.3km he ran. FOURTEEN. Our lads can’t even jog properly after Christmas dinner.
Let’s talk about Luca Ellison – opens the scoring like it’s five-a-side, ghosting through. Where’s the defence? Watching replays on the jumbotron?
Fair play to Sol Busumbra – lovely finish on the turn to make it 1-1. VAR tried to ruin Christmas again but the ref actually did his job for once. But then…
Jawad Moseley. Off the bench, right place, right time, right into the history books. 90th-minute dagger. And who makes the mistake? Nigel Hill. 6.2 rating? Generous. Should’ve brought his boots and left the brain at home.
This is exactly why we’re not winning titles. FOURTEEN points behind Chelsea now. Forget the title — we’re in a race for top four at this rate. Santa brought us coal and City brought the hammer.
Man City XI: Silver, Filip, José Eduardo, Secchi, Keßler, Shimol, Harrison (booked), Asonganyi, Sutcliffe, Ellison (7.9), Wilton.
Subs used: Terrell, Banao, Moseley (⚽ 90′)
Man UFC XI: Grigoraș, Invernizzi, Campanço, Pozzo, Adebayo, Gomes, Moyano, Ruff, Hill (6.2), Bălan, Busumbra (⚽ 66′)
Subs used: Edvaldo, McBride
Shambles. Title race? It’s slipping faster than a City fan leaving the ground at 80 minutes. Get it sorted.