Chelsea Extend Unbeaten Run with Win at QPR
I’m sick of it. You’re sick of it. Everyone outside Stamford Bridge is sick of it. Chelsea go marching on, another 2–0 win at QPR, another tick in the unbeaten…
Premier League Roundup: Kelly’s Hat-Trick Defines Matchday 25
30 January 2052 – A strange symmetry unfolded across England this evening, where three matches provided three distinct lessons in inevitability. Manchester City 4–1 Queens Park Rangers Mathematics does not…
From Devon to the Big Time: Plymouth’s Bloody March into the Premier League
27 January 2052 – Plymouth Argyle’s unlikely crusade Plymouth fucking Argyle. A name you never thought you’d see hovering around the top half of the Premier League table, yet here…
Chelsea’s Ruthless Blues Break Arsenal Hearts at the Emirates
27 January 2052 – Emirates Stadium, London The Emirates burned with false hope and bitter smoke on Saturday as Chelsea marched into North London and left with a 2-1 victory,…
Liverpool Crush Huddersfield 6-0 in Ruthless Display
21 January 2052 – Huddersfield got their arses handed to them, plain and simple. Liverpool rocked up to the John Smith’s Stadium and turned it into a slaughterhouse, 6-0, and…
Chelsea 4-0 Leeds: Malcolm’s Brace, Granger’s Wonder Goal, and Pele’s Madness
20 January 2052 – Drogba Arena shook with lunacy as Chelsea ripped Leeds apart 4-0 in a Premier League spectacle that felt more like a fever dream. Paul Malcolm, a…
Liverpool Thrash Blades but Still Chasing Shadows
17 January 2052 – Anfield saw blood spilled at the weekend, Liverpool hammering Sheffield United 4-0 in the FA Cup third round. The Kop lapped it up, but don’t let…
Chelsea Edge Palace with Late Winner, But Injuries Cast a Shadow
16 January 2052 – Another joyless trudge in the Premier League masquerading as triumph. Chelsea escaped Selhurst Park with a 1-0 win over Crystal Palace, Paul Malcolm stabbing home from…
FA Cup Third Round: Giant Killings, Replays and a Feast of Goals
14 January 2052 – The FA Cup third round once again served up its cocktail of madness, misery and meat pies colder than a January piss-up in Blackpool. From Anfield…
Brazilian Flair Lights Up Chelsea’s FA Cup Triumph
Chelsea stormed into the FA Cup Fourth Round with a dazzling 5-0 victory over Cardiff at the Drogba Arena, led by a scintillating hat-trick from Brazilian midfielder Pele. The result…