20 January 2052 – Drogba Arena shook with lunacy as Chelsea ripped Leeds apart 4-0 in a Premier League spectacle that felt more like a fever dream. Paul Malcolm, a predator in boots, struck twice, but the story stretched far beyond his clinical brace. Logan Granger scored what may already be the goal of the season, and Pele’s two-footed madness earned him a red card and a one-match ban.
Malcolm lit the fire early with a deflected drive inside two minutes, then added a second with a skidding finish on 47 minutes that split the Leeds defence like a blunt axe through damp wood. The striker could even afford to miss a penalty in between, his form still elevating him to Player of the Match with a 9.9 rating.
But the moment seared into memory came on 55 minutes. Scott Crichton, marauding down the flank like a man drunk on adrenaline, whipped an early cross into the area. Granger launched himself at it, contorting mid-air, his header from just inside the six-yard box exploding past Holland in the Leeds goal. It was acrobatics and violence fused together, a goal so outrageous it will live long after the season is dead and buried. If this isn’t Goal of the Season, then the award is a farce.
Chelsea’s dominance was total. Crichton himself capped the rout on 69 minutes with a rifled effort into the bottom corner. Leeds, meanwhile, were a shambles. Bookings stacked up, Wallis and Franzoni among the guilty, and their defence collapsed like wet cardboard under constant pressure. They managed just three shots all match, and their possession barely scraped 35%.
And then there was Pele. On 32 minutes, he lost his mind. A reckless two-footed lunge, studs flashing like blades under floodlights, left the referee no choice but to brandish red. His dismissal means a mandatory one-match suspension, ruling him out of the clash against Arsenal at the Emirates, with a disciplinary committee meeting looming to possibly extend the ban.
For Chelsea, it was another statement in a six-match winning run, a roar that they will not be stopped. For Leeds, it was a descent into darkness, a side that looks beaten, broken, and waiting for the final blow.
– Hunter S. Thompson (style)