By Henry Vinter | 9 May 2056
If Calin Dimario was worried about his team saving their energy for the upcoming cup finals, he needn’t have bothered. In a Premier League campaign that has long since turned into a victory lap, Chelsea continue to treat every opponent like a personal insult.
On Tuesday night, it was Tottenham Hotspur’s turn to suffer.
In a brutal display of attacking efficiency, the Blues swept their London rivals aside 4-1 at the Drogba Arena. The victory moves Chelsea to a staggering 104 points, further extending a record that may never be broken.
The Nine-Minute Blitz
The game was effectively over before some fans had taken their seats.
Pele, operating on the right wing, opened the scoring in the 8th minute with a “placed shot” following an error from Spurs’ Gláuber Veloso.
Just sixty seconds later, Nacho Valera doubled the lead. The Spanish striker, who is surely a lock for the World Footballer of the Year award, finished a sweeping move with a “close range volley”.
2-0 inside 10 minutes. It was ruthless, it was fast, and it was classic Chelsea.
Spurs’ Brief Hope
Tottenham, to their credit, didn’t completely collapse. In the 40th minute, world-class striker Gláuber Veloso pulled one back with a “powerful volley” that deflected in, giving the visitors a lifeline going into the break.
For a moment, at 2-1, the game felt competitive. But Chelsea simply possess too many weapons.
Rustignoli and Valera Seal the Deal
The second half was a procession. In the 63rd minute, midfielder Francesco Rustignoli restored the two-goal cushion, scoring a “good header from just inside the six-yard box”.
Four minutes later, Valera grabbed his second and Chelsea’s fourth. The 20-year-old wonderkid fired home a “close range finish into the bottom left corner” to kill the game dead.
Valera finished as Player of the Match with a 9.1 rating. He now has 2 goals and 1 assist in this game alone, terrorizing the Spurs defense.
“Hotly Tipped”
The media narrative is now shifting from “Will Chelsea win?” to “How many awards will Valera win?”
Reports post-match indicate that Valera is “hotly tipped to win the forthcoming English Footballer of the Year award”. With performances like this, it would be a crime to give it to anyone else.
Next Stop: Glory
With 36 games played, Chelsea sit on 104 points and a goal difference of +116.
They have two league games remaining to pad those stats. But the real dates circled on the calendar are May 20th (FA Cup Final vs Man City) and May 27th (Champions League Final vs Hertha Berlin). On this form, Manchester City and Hertha Berlin should be very, very afraid.