SIMPLY GR-EIGHT: Ruthless Chelsea Massacre Swindon in Record-Breaking FA Cup Rout
Chelsea dismantle Swindon 8–0 in a merciless FA Cup display, with Sahar and Crichton dazzling under Dimario’s measured hand.
THE GHOST HAT-TRICK: VAR Denies Valera Treble, But Cannot Save Liverpool from 3-0 Beating
By Henry Vinter | 8 January 2056 If you want to know how terrifying this Chelsea team is, look no further than the first 30 minutes of this Carabao Cup…
NO ROOM FOR SENTIMENT: Chelsea Put Four Past Returning Legend Holwell in One-Sided Destruction
By Henry Vinter | January 2056 The pre-match montage on the big screens at the Drogba Arena was touching. It showed Joby Holwell lifting Premier League titles, Champions Leagues, and…
THE £200M QUESTION: Will Chelsea’s Unbeaten Machine Dip into the January Market?
By Henry Vinter | 1 January 2056 Happy New Year. The year is 2056, and if you are a Chelsea fan, life is good. Your team has won 21 consecutive…
THE PELÉ SHOW: Brazilian Legend Shines as Chelsea Crush Leeds to Close 2055 with 21 Straight Wins
By Henry Vinter | 29 December 2055 There is no “B-Team.” There are no “easy games.” There is only Chelsea, and there is only winning. Calin Dimario’s side traveled to…
THE PERFECT TEN: Unplayable Haigh Destroys Fulham as Chelsea Hit Five Again
By Henry Vinter | 26 December 2055 I stand corrected. I thought I saw a “Crichton Cannon” and a “Junior Curtain Call” from the press box earlier, but clearly, the…
BLUE HEAVEN, CITY HELL: Rampant Chelsea Inflict Five-Goal Humiliation on Manchester City
By Henry Vinter | 22 December 2055 Just three days ago, Chelsea had to scrap, fight, and claw their way past Tottenham in a street fight. Tonight, against Manchester City,…
WINNING UGLY: Sahar’s Spot-Kick Settles Violent Derby as Chelsea Make It Eighteen
By Henry Vinter | 18 December 2055 They have destroyed teams 5-0. They have played exhibition football. They have made the Premier League look like a training ground exercise. But…
THE ZERO-GAME: Crichton Masterclass Guarantees Semi-Final Spot as Toothless Leeds Register 0.00 xG
By Henry Vinter | 15 December 2055 There are dominant performances, and then there are matches where the opposition might as well have stayed on the bus. Wednesday night’s Carabao…
THE TITLE RACE IS OVER (PROBABLY): Chelsea Crush Liverpool 3-0 to Make It 16 Straight Wins
By Henry Vinter | 11 December 2055 If the Premier League title race was a boxing match, the referee would have stepped in to stop it on Saturday evening. Chelsea…