By Henry Vinter | 1 January 2056
Happy New Year. The year is 2056, and if you are a Chelsea fan, life is good. Your team has won 21 consecutive games. You are 17 points clear at the top of the Premier League. You have scored 74 goals and conceded just 4.
But in the world of Calin Dimario, standing still is the same as moving backward. As the January Transfer Window officially opens this morning, the terrifying question for the rest of Europe is simple: How do you improve perfection?
The “Concerned” Factor
Despite the on-pitch dominance, the squad happiness page still has a few red flags that could force Dimario’s hand.
Joseph Haigh has been in sensational form (scoring 7 goals in December), but his long-standing “Concern” about playing time remains a lingering subplot. With his value now at an all-time high and his performances demanding a permanent starting spot, will Chelsea cash in on a rival’s desperation, or lock him down?
Then there is Júnior. The Brazilian winger has scored in his last two games, but he too has grumbled about minutes. In a squad where Pelé, Nacho Valera, and Scott Crichton are undroppable, keeping everyone happy is the manager’s biggest challenge.
The Award Winners
Before any deals are done, the club woke up to a flurry of individual awards this morning, confirming their global dominance:
- World Goalkeeper of the Year: Hasitha Mohamed Risvi. The Sri Lankan wall kept 26 clean sheets in 2055 with an average rating of 7.22. He beat Real Madrid’s Steffen Nielsen to the crown.
- World Team of the Year: Seven Chelsea players made the XI, including Risvi, Rogério José, McKauley Civzelis, Pelé, Júnior, and Joseph Haigh.
- World Footballer of the Year: In a rare “defeat,” Joseph Haigh finished 3rd. The winner was Atletico Madrid’s goal-machine Eduardo Angione (41 goals in 46 games). Perhaps that snub will fuel Haigh even further?
The Shopping List?
Does this team need anything? Probably not. But Chelsea have a history of buying players just to stop others from having them.
Rumors are swirling about a potential backup striker to support Sahar and Valera, or perhaps a long-term successor to 30-year-old Luther Banton, although Luca D’Urso seems to have that left-back spot locked down.
For now, the window is open. The chequebook is ready. And the rest of the league is praying Chelsea decide to take the month off.